My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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