And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
