You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how do flat chested girls get laid?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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