i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We need to get me chipped asap
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
