My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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