I can tuck mytits in my pants
Jerry, you need to find god
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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