The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
