upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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