Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
