I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
