idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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