Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
