Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
