how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
