Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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