I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i now understand why vodka
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
