What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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