man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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