yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
