i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
