yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
