i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
