yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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