I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
