we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
high people should be assigned attendants
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
