True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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