they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
