sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
