I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
