And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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