i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
