ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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