So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
