My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
