I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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