Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
