sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
