Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
