You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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