I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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