If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
