i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you never un-have a 4some
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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