Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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