some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
