He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
