if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
