I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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