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• (303): View more from Colorado

  There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...

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• (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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• (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

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• (212): View more from New York

  Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?

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