Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
