I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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